thoughts from an empty head

Where to begin? The nightmare, I think.

I’m entering a convention center somewhere out west. I’ve won a netbook in an internet contest, and I have to go to some tech conference to pick it up.

As I enter the conference, a group of tech people talking nearby stop their conversation , look right at me and cheerily say “DAMN YOU, STEVEN PEREZ!” This happens repeatedly as I walk through the conference. Everyone happy to see me, yet they all say the same thing: “DAMN YOU, STEVEN PEREZ!” Tech nerds, podcasters, the pretty show models, the guy sweeping the floor – everyone.

I get to the booth where I’m supposed to pick up the netbook. A group of large, hairy men in black overcoats and fedoras, wearing FriendFeed t-shirts and milling around recording everything on Flip video cameras see me and break out into a Broadway production of DAMN YOU, STEVEN PEREZ! while flirting with anyone with an XX chromosome pairing. A few of them even get lucky.

At which point, I woke up. Never did get to see the netbook I won.

After that, the day descended into a pit of WTF.

Woke up late and found out that I was out of deodorant.

The dog decided to take his time in selecting the right spot to poop on, namely, the neighbor’s flower bed.

The other drivers were stupider than usual, making sure to drive 10 miles under the speed limit so that they could avoid oncoming trees.

Found my lunch pail on my desk, with the large tub of cream cheese and bottle of half-and-half still inside, left out overnight in our wonderfully super-heated office.

Realized that I left my mp3 player in my other coat, which means that, for the first hour of the day today, I got to listen to my coworkers give a blow-by-blow retelling of what happened last night on THE BACHELOR. I now hate that show with an abiding white-hot passion that I usually reserve for neocons, pedophiles and people who talk in the theater.

Then, in the middle of my busy day, the computer system crashes. Hey, no biggie. I’ve only got two months of work to finish before the end of the month. No rush.

Oh, look! I have a staff meeting scheduled for later today! Lovely! I freaking hate meetings! A full hour of dear-God-kill-me-kill-me-now-please when I could be cleaning up all the work on my desk.

In retrospect, I think the universe was warning me about today.

So, in my official position as Prince of Darkness, and by the power vested in me by God and the state of New Mexico, I hereby declare today to OFFICIAL HATE TUESDAY. Feel free to let loose with the profanity of your choice, because this is a rotten, stinking, no-good day that deserves nothing more than scorn and derision.

You can even say DAMN YOU, STEVEN PEREZ if you want. Just don’t break out into song.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 17th, 2009 at 9:48 am and is filed under personal log. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.